I met him the night of his birthday at a local bar. He was sexy, tall, dark skinned, had a Caribbean accent and a gorgeous enchanting smile. We ditched our friends and hung out all night in our own little corner. Drinks, dancing, laughter, it was a dreamy night. After a few Tequila shots I had to leave early due to morning obligations, I felt pretty bummed (sometimes being a grown up sucks) I wanted to stay. Well, he had my number.
I didn’t reach home before my phone chimed, it was Mr. Unavailable. Three O’clock in the morning, empty streets, quiet car, I was smiling and screaming like a tipsy school girl. I was happy. I was excited. It felt nice to meet someone new and to be pursued. I felt wanted. I felt powerful.
Weeks in, we spoke every day, every lunch break, every night before bed. We spoke of our dreams and our fears. I felt as if I was floating, as if everything just flowed through my skin. I was light, I was happy, I was fresh. I was on cloud 9. Our first time kissing lasted for what felt like hours. I do believe I slept with him way too soon, maybe I should have done the 90 day rule (hmmm). Side note: I’m so waiting a few dates before sex even comes into play with the next guy.
One night I was staying over and had to tinkle. He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. I walked in sat on the toilet not even thinking of my actions. I didn’t realize what I had done until I felt eyes burning a hole in my skin. UGH! This was not normal! But hey, I was once living with a man for 8 years! Excuse me if I do not know the dos and don’ts of this “new” dating world. Looking back, that should have been an awakening moment for me, but I brushed it off, even laughed about it with my friends.
Five months later I found myself buying him items for his apartment. Each item I had a reason to buy: sheets? – “oh his sheets makes my skin itch, it’s weird”. Pillows? – “ugh his pillows are very flat, my neck hurts” washcloths? – “he never seems to have any when I want to shower” a throw? –“ugh his apartment is always cold”. I was bringing us into relationship mode and had no clue! I was so used to taking care of a man that I found myself taking on this role, even when he did not give it to me. Looking back, I’m not sure if he was uncomfortable or going with the flow, I was cooking him dinner at this point. As I type this, I’m just like WOW! I can’t believe I went soooo far! I think this is how people get married after a divorce, talk about major rebound.
9 months in. I remember like it was yesterday, I texted him about going on a date, he responded that he was busy that weekend with work. I was a little disappointed. I let a few days past then I flipped out. I told him I felt as if he was not making me a priority and I deserved more and as I give I should feel the same in return. MAN! I went on a crazy texting rampage, I really flipped out. Well, you want to know his response? Think about it? Here I was giving him everything, cooking, buying him things, just giving, giving, giving. Please note, not once in the post did I mention a relationship from him right? Yea.
So, he responded to my text “we’re not in a relationship, we’re just friends”. It was the biggest blow to my ego. It hurt like hell. I tried to fight back my tears I was so hurt. Our last 9 months flashed before me. There were the signs, the things I did wrong. I was so caught up in trying to have my “relationship” back, that honestly I probably would have been this way with any man, not just him.
After that text, everything stopped. The cooking, stopped. My crazy shopping sprees, stopped. The sex, stopped. The late night calls, stopped. Basically, I stopped everything. I had too. It was a lesson learned, and I appreciate it.
Thank You Mr. Unavailable