So this past Saturday night, I took myself out to dinner for the first time. I initially planned to do dinner and movies but by the time my check was paid I had already missed the first 20 minutes of the movie, (oh well, maybe next week). This was a very hard task for me. I decided to eat at Chili’s (one of my favorite restaurants) and I picked a late time of 9:30pm. Somehow I figured the later the better LOL. Well, my mistake, Chili’s was still crowded on a Saturday night! What the hell was I thinking?!? (Insert shame face here)
As I turned into the parking lot there were so many cars, so many people. I could feel my heart racing. Honestly, that very moment, I felt so alone. I could feel the tears making way to my eyes. A young woman dining alone, who does that? What am I doing? Am I crazy? I should just leave. I had a million thoughts racing through my mind which only caused me to sit in my car a little longer. I couldn’t do it. McDonalds drive thru was looking mighty inviting to me. That golden arch never shined so bright.
I sat in my car what felt like hours. I owed it to myself to “man up”, “stop being a big baby” and “just do it”. So, I got out of my car, adjusted my big girl panties and walked into Chili’s. The hostess looked at me, and then looked behind me. With my telepathic abilities, I responded “just one”. My heart was beating so fast, but at that point I could not turn around. I was nervous; I couldn’t believe I was there! I sat down and as I was reaching for my cell phone for a little distraction, the waitress came and sat down. Wow, that was a shocker. She sat down and actually had a conversation with me for a few minutes as if we were girlfriends. It was comforting, I was able to relax.
Well, I had a nice dinner. I read an article on my cell phone, texted a few friends and enjoyed my blackberry margarita. It wasn’t as bad as I imagined. Honestly, if I was getting weird stares I did not notice at all. I was pretty much in my own world.
I don’t think I’d ever do a Saturday night again though. It was pretty crowded. I have to try dining alone during breakfast and lunch hours. I have a feeling those times would be much easier. I also have to accomplish having a drink at the bar alone, maybe during my lunch break.
Well, I left Chili’s loving myself a little more. That’s my goal for this year. Love me, date me, and take care of me more. Focus on me and what determines my happiness. I’m starting to enjoy this new me!