Posted on

Why is it that the things you find out after the breakup is what tends to hurt the most? Knowing that the belief that there was truth to the situation diminishes. The light is no longer dim. My heart is pitch black. All the truth you thought was true, turned out to be a lie. Now your stuck trying to figure out was there really ever any truth at all. A question that will forever lie unanswered. It’s amazing how the word love has lost all value in my eyes. It’s been battered and abused to where hate more seems like the correct word to use to replace it. The aftermath stories allowed me to question if LOVE holds the right meaning. The aftermath stories has me questioning if TRUTH holds the right meaning. The truth was all lies and the love was hate in disguise. The Aftermath.

Lover vs Friend

Posted on Updated on

So I had this interesting conversation with Mr. Filler.

I’m not sure if I gave much background about Mr. Filler, but he’s my great friend. Honestly, he’s like my male best-friend, we’ve been friends for about 10yrs now (before Mr. Ex). We talk about any and everything. He’s had a grand guided tour of my dark, creepy, cold closet (or should I say closets) and he’s walked me through his. No judgments, no questions, we just talk and listen. We’ve always had great communication, I admire that about us. Well, Mr. Filler moved out from his ex the same year I did.  So for a few months, with the fear of meeting new people, dating, or contacting a nasty STD we became each other’s “sexual filler”. Our first weekend together, was exciting. Mr. Filler drove four hours to see me, I can only imagine the thoughts going through his head at the time. Well, for me so many “what if” thoughts had my nerves shot. Our first night after having sex, we just laid together. With my legs wrapped around his, we talked for hours, even about our exes and it was ok. Even after sex, as he’d seen my naked body for the first time, I remained comfortable. Read the rest of this entry »

But, Why

Posted on


I’m missing this guy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why am I missing him? I shouldn’t be missing him. Is it cause I’m not dealing with anyone at the moment?  Does this make him my “go to” guy when I’m bored? Or do I truly miss him? My busy world has halted. Was everyone else just distractions? Why am I wishing he was here?

I want to call. I want to text. But, I’m hesitant. He’s not good for me. He’s not meant for me. I am confused. Unable to shake these thoughts. I cannot sleep.


Mr. Dynamite

Posted on Updated on

Today I received a spam text from an old flame. One of those “click here to see my profile pic” spam messages, yea weird.

I’d call him Mr. Dynamite. Mr. Dynamite is tall, slender, muscular cut, caramel skin tone with sexy dreads. I love his dreads. I replied to the text “is this real, or spam”. His reply “my phone got spammed…I see we don’t talk anymore, what’s up with that?” Well, I could see where this conversation was going before it started. I must admit, after experiencing the devastating blow from Mr. Unavailable, it felt nice to hear from Mr. Dynamite.

Mr. Dynamite was before Mr. Ex. I actually have known Mr. Dynamite for 14yrs. WOW! OMG I just had an “I feel old” moment. Mr. Dynamite is one of those men that’s in my opinion only good for one thing, SEX! His sex will keep you coming back. His sex will solve all your problems. Broke? Call Mr. Dynamite. Stressed? Oh yea, call Mr. Dynamite. Angry and you just don’t know why? Definitely, call Mr. Dynamite. Sex with him is like attending a fireworks event, he will find inches of your body no man has ever touched. You’d react ways you never thought you would. Each twirl of his tongue, touch of his fingertip sends this shock throughout your body, mini explosions. He can even say things in a text that’ll have you at his place within 3.5 seconds, doesn’t matter how far you live, you’d find a way. He’s sexy and has always been sexy since high school.

Read the rest of this entry »