15th street

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Shifting in a bed full of pillows

I can feel the feathers as they lay just beneath my chin

Mozart in the background, sheets the scent of Tide

My ear rings, my noise twitches, yet I refuse to open my eyes

Stay just a little longer, with me

Bits of dreams, like a family gathering,

It’s only just a “visit”

Soon little by little the pillows will clump

The tide would transcend to an unwelcome stench

And Mozart would get drained out by the sound of rushing feet

The impatient cars as their horns and their breaks speak

Another memory diminished by the busyness of 15th street

I release my sealed shut eyes

And face what one calls “reality”

But this, this is not “REAL” to me

This is not where I am supposed to be

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE THAT ONCE WAS GRANTED  TO ME

MY GOD! Why have I been a victim to this circumstance?

I walk into church for guidance, for love, for support

Yet some members refuse to hold my hand

Turn up their nose, whisper, scoot to the side

As I walk down, just to kneel upon YOU Lord

As I pray, and pray and pray tears stream down my brown cheeks

I am a strong man, I refuse to allow

A cup and coins

To Own ME

-SilentlyBliss

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IF I COULD CREATE YOU BEFORE I MEET YOU, YOU’D BE

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Funny I love to laugh, who doesn’t?

A kid at heartBeing an adult ALL THE TIME sucks

A little spontaneousI’m a Capricorn, don’t freak me out

Extrovert  – compliment me when I have my shy moments

Businessman  – make it happen

Good with your financesmust have a budget

Have goalsalways seeking growth

Knows how to wear a suitand looks damn good in it

Honesttell me anything, we’d bond

LoyalNo doubt

Motivatorable to push me when I’m feeling low

Open MindedI can share my deepest thoughts with no worries

My rockyou hold me down

 

If you could create your next love, what would they be?

 

-SilentlyBliss

I wish I could love you: Frozen

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You speak so freely of this love

You have for me

Words creatively entwined

Letter to letter

I watch your lips move as you

Describe this “love”

Your eyes, as crystal

As the ocean

Yet here I stand amongst you

Frozen

I’m sorry

I wish I could mirror the harmonizing words

You so bravely speak to me

But

I am broken

I am damaged

I am unable to free this weight keeping me

As I lift my feet

This “love” I long to reciprocate

But today

I am frozen

With

Hate

 

-SilentyBliss

Conflictions

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mental conflictions

I am torn

you are my cancer

yet I think of you more

conflictions within I

unable to delete your voice

from this mind of mines

I am my enemy

you are my disease

yet I walk into your grasp

mentally unable to release

these emotional binds you

have upon me

mental conflictions

I lose sleep

-SilentlyBliss

The Motions

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He grew to become a part of me. Now that he’s gone I feel as if I have lost half of me.
Instead of decaying my heart is expanding with even more love for
him now that he’s gone. Odd but now that he’s no longer mine I realize
how true my love for him is. Its great to be in love, but sad when the
feelings isn’t mutual. It hurts more that his love  for me has died than him walking away out of my life. He walked out of my life but I have to work with him everyday. LOL, is all I can do sometimes. I laugh when nothing is funny and smile when I am on fire.

EMPTY

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I am laughing when nothing is funny. I am smiling when there is no joy. What happened to my happiness? How did I allow them to rob me of that? I am strong to so many. Yet, so weak in my own eyes. I pray every day for strength and understanding. Years have passed and yet I always smile when there is no joy. I yell at myself for always crying. I hold on to everything never letting anything go. Laughing when nothing is funny. Smiling when there’s no joy. I have been robbed of so much. Hmmm, no I wasn’t robbed. I willingly gave up my happiness so that when they smiled there was always true happiness. When they laugh that’s my joy I gave away. I have robbed myself. Now I am searching for things I willingly gave away and will never get back

Table for One Please: Dining Alone

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So this past Saturday night, I took myself out to dinner for the first time. I initially planned to do dinner and movies but by the time my check was paid I had already missed the first 20 minutes of the movie, (oh well, maybe next week). This was a very hard task for me. I decided to eat at Chili’s (one of my favorite restaurants) and I picked a late time of 9:30pm. Somehow I figured the later the better LOL. Well, my mistake, Chili’s was still crowded on a Saturday night! What the hell was I thinking?!? (Insert shame face here)

As I turned into the parking lot there were so many cars, so many people. I could feel my heart racing. Honestly, that very moment, I felt so alone. I could feel the tears making way to my eyes. A young woman dining alone, who does that? What am I doing? Am I crazy? I should just leave. I had a million thoughts racing through my mind which only caused me to sit in my car a little longer. I couldn’t do it. McDonalds drive thru was looking mighty inviting to me. That golden arch never shined so bright.

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