poem

HAVE YOU EVER?

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Have you ever started writing a poem with a meaning in mind then as you go along realize the meaning of the poem has somehow transitioned to something else? And you’re reading it like how the hell did that happen?!?

Well,

I started writing about not being happy but trying to carry on as you are and wishing someone would notice and call you out. Somehow, along the way my poem turned into me having feelings for a friend (which I think I’m starting to like Mr. Filler) anyways now I’m stumped lol. Should I continue with what I started with or go along with what my mind is making me?! Ugh! and I don’t know why I’m catching feelings for Mr. Filler! We’ve been friends for soooo many years and now I want to all of a sudden start really liking him?!? How dare I?!

Here’s the beginning of my poem titled “Inside”….if you want to add a few lines, go ahead. Maybe you could help me with my direction lol. Happy Thursday loves!!

I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN THESE FEELINGS

WITHIN ME

BUT BEHIND MY SHYNESS

I HIDE

I DUCK BEHIND

MY OWN SHADOW

WISH YOU COULD LOOK PAST MY SMILE

AND SEE THE HURT IN MY EYES

SEE MY EMOTIONAL BATTLE

-SilentlyBliss

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15th street

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Shifting in a bed full of pillows

I can feel the feathers as they lay just beneath my chin

Mozart in the background, sheets the scent of Tide

My ear rings, my noise twitches, yet I refuse to open my eyes

Stay just a little longer, with me

Bits of dreams, like a family gathering,

It’s only just a “visit”

Soon little by little the pillows will clump

The tide would transcend to an unwelcome stench

And Mozart would get drained out by the sound of rushing feet

The impatient cars as their horns and their breaks speak

Another memory diminished by the busyness of 15th street

I release my sealed shut eyes

And face what one calls “reality”

But this, this is not “REAL” to me

This is not where I am supposed to be

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE THAT ONCE WAS GRANTED  TO ME

MY GOD! Why have I been a victim to this circumstance?

I walk into church for guidance, for love, for support

Yet some members refuse to hold my hand

Turn up their nose, whisper, scoot to the side

As I walk down, just to kneel upon YOU Lord

As I pray, and pray and pray tears stream down my brown cheeks

I am a strong man, I refuse to allow

A cup and coins

To Own ME

-SilentlyBliss

I wish I could love you: Frozen

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You speak so freely of this love

You have for me

Words creatively entwined

Letter to letter

I watch your lips move as you

Describe this “love”

Your eyes, as crystal

As the ocean

Yet here I stand amongst you

Frozen

I’m sorry

I wish I could mirror the harmonizing words

You so bravely speak to me

But

I am broken

I am damaged

I am unable to free this weight keeping me

As I lift my feet

This “love” I long to reciprocate

But today

I am frozen

With

Hate

 

-SilentyBliss

Conflictions

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mental conflictions

I am torn

you are my cancer

yet I think of you more

conflictions within I

unable to delete your voice

from this mind of mines

I am my enemy

you are my disease

yet I walk into your grasp

mentally unable to release

these emotional binds you

have upon me

mental conflictions

I lose sleep

-SilentlyBliss

EXHAUSTED

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Exhausted, deprived, sucked dry

I’ve lived, I’m living

Yet I’m not alive

You next to me, I’m suffocated

Unable to breath, unable to think

Unable to smile, unable to laugh

I’m unmotivated

Existing, merely existing

Within a relationship

Without the….relations

Within a marriage

Without the merry

Within

Within

Within a house

Without a home…..

I am alone

Yes, I am alone

I am alone when you are beside me

I am alone

when you are

Inside me

Motionless making without the love

Legs only opened for the sake

OF

Unable to enjoy you

I am dry

Tears streaming, I close my eyes

Again, I am existing

Merely existing

Within an empty room

Body flipped, twisted within positions

Your moaning

To my

Regressions

I cannot suppress this

I cannot support this

Sanctioning the little air you’ve given me

My inner voice grasps

Screams

I cannot do this

Devaluing me

diamond dulled

stripped of its shine

I open my eyes

I’ve opened my eyes

I am more than this

Merely existing

Who wants to just exist?

I am more than this

Giving you what you need

I lose more of me

Fraction of a fraction of a fraction

I become less of me

I AM MORE THAN THIS

-SilentyBliss