Toxic Relationship

Conflictions

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mental conflictions

I am torn

you are my cancer

yet I think of you more

conflictions within I

unable to delete your voice

from this mind of mines

I am my enemy

you are my disease

yet I walk into your grasp

mentally unable to release

these emotional binds you

have upon me

mental conflictions

I lose sleep

-SilentlyBliss

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EXHAUSTED

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Exhausted, deprived, sucked dry

I’ve lived, I’m living

Yet I’m not alive

You next to me, I’m suffocated

Unable to breath, unable to think

Unable to smile, unable to laugh

I’m unmotivated

Existing, merely existing

Within a relationship

Without the….relations

Within a marriage

Without the merry

Within

Within

Within a house

Without a home…..

I am alone

Yes, I am alone

I am alone when you are beside me

I am alone

when you are

Inside me

Motionless making without the love

Legs only opened for the sake

OF

Unable to enjoy you

I am dry

Tears streaming, I close my eyes

Again, I am existing

Merely existing

Within an empty room

Body flipped, twisted within positions

Your moaning

To my

Regressions

I cannot suppress this

I cannot support this

Sanctioning the little air you’ve given me

My inner voice grasps

Screams

I cannot do this

Devaluing me

diamond dulled

stripped of its shine

I open my eyes

I’ve opened my eyes

I am more than this

Merely existing

Who wants to just exist?

I am more than this

Giving you what you need

I lose more of me

Fraction of a fraction of a fraction

I become less of me

I AM MORE THAN THIS

-SilentyBliss

That Moment….For You

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One of our biggest mistakes once a relationship ends is not taking the time out for ourselves before we jump into another commitment. Often times the thought of being alone is frightening. We don’t take that moment to get to know ourselves, to date ourselves, to just find out what we like and don’t like.

Have you felt that the last few relationships have consisted of the same “drama”? The same heartaches? The same tears? Well, ask yourself have you even taken the time to destroy your own baggage? The baggage you’ve carried from one relationship to the next. This so-called baggage, consistently becoming heavier and heavier as you move from one lover to another.  What are you carrying with you and why? If you have old issues (not new issues), you have to face those before willing to commit with someone else. Is it fair to ask them to not only love you but love your baggage too? Yes, love your baggage too!! If you’re carrying all this behind you, you’re basically standing at someone’s door saying “love me as I am, accept these bags, and me”. Honey, that’s not fair. That’s not fair to your future lover nor is it to you. Why not take time out for yourself? Why haven’t you taken the time to just love you? People, we must love to learn ourselves first before we can fully have someone love us.  The fear of being alone is so heavy nowadays.  Being alone is a beautiful thing, trust me. It makes you more beautiful, stronger and easier for the perfect person to love you completely.

After a breakup, everyone has their advice on how long you should be single. How long before the divorce is over should you, remarry. Ask your friends, ask your relatives, pretty much everyone’s answer would be different. After my 8 year relationship ended it took me 6 months to fully be happy with me.  Every weekend I did something for me, reading, shopping, my hair, nails, movies, etc.  Maybe it’d be sooner for you, or longer, that’s just the time I needed for me.  It’s now been over a year of living by myself and I’m still noticing things about me. I realized I lost myself so much in my relationship, I didn’t know me anymore. I didn’t know what shows I liked (how sad is that)? Once I moved out, a few bags were left at his front door. I no longer carried the stress and worries of his happiness. I was so set on making sure he was happy, I completely lost myself. I lost my friends (he didn’t approve of them, so I cast them aside). How could such a strong woman become so weak for a man who a few years within the relationship showed he no longer cared, but she stuck around? Yes, that was me. I just couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t make him HAPPY.  But, what about ME?!?

If you’ve recently experience a breakup, maybe you’re separated. Take this time to find your strength. Go back to doing what you loved that has been in the closet collecting dust. Maybe you’re a poet? Go to a poetry reading. Maybe you’re a painter? Paint something, I’d love to see. Whatever it is, do it for you. And, it’s ok to go out alone. Dress up, take yourself to the movies, it’s ok. We don’t need that other person to make us happy; we have to find our happiness within first.

Have a wonderful week!