Maybe I should have started blogging 4yrs ago. Four years ago as I sat in the shower crying with a bottle of Rum in my hand. Tired of the pain, fully dressed I walked in, closed the shower door, turned on the water, sat and screamed. I was at my weakest, truly, at my weakest. The taste of my tears fed my stomach for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I could not eat. The stress would not allow me. So, I turned to drinking. Would I say I was an alcoholic? No. But, it helped me to sleep at night. Nights when we lay with a pillow in between us. Nights when I grabbed that pillow to muffle the agonizing sound of my tears. Nights when the sound of his breathing made me want to grab that same teary stained pillow and end it all there.
Toxic Relationships, at some point in our lives we encounter them. We are in them. We live them. How long do we stay? When do we leave? When do we wake up and say “this is no longer for me?” Well, it took me a while. It took therapy, it took prayer, it took a lot of damn ENERGY. 2012 I told him I was leaving. I can’t remember if he really reacted, but why would he? I’ve said those same words a million times before, every year, as if it was a tradition but with no true meaning. But, that year, 2012, it had meaning. I was done.
This is me, sharing my stories past and present. Today, is different. I’m no longer in the toxic relationship and honestly, I’m very happy. I can’t even believe how happy I am. I’m blessed.