It’s been two years and I am still questioning love. Does it really exist between a man and a woman. Can you commit yourself fully to one person and not desire another? It’s been two years and that doubt still is in my heart . I’m unwilling to trust that word love when it rolls off the tongue of a man. A man that I have shared myself with in every way possible (physically, spiritually and emotionally). They say all men lie I don’t believe that. They just never tell the whole story. So technically they aren’t lying.They call it sparing our feelings. They feel if they tell us the truth we may fall apart. So why love me and have truths that can cause me to hate you. How do you love someone and tear them down. How is that love? I always ask myself why me? Why did he choose to fall in love with me? What is it that he loves? Why not her? Why me? I doubt love. I doubt honesty. I doubt commitment.
You speak so freely of this love
You have for me
Words creatively entwined
Letter to letter
I watch your lips move as you
Describe this “love”
Your eyes, as crystal
As the ocean
Yet here I stand amongst you
I wish I could mirror the harmonizing words
You so bravely speak to me
I am broken
I am damaged
I am unable to free this weight keeping me
As I lift my feet
This “love” I long to reciprocate
I am frozen
He grew to become a part of me. Now that he’s gone I feel as if I have lost half of me.
Instead of decaying my heart is expanding with even more love for
him now that he’s gone. Odd but now that he’s no longer mine I realize
how true my love for him is. Its great to be in love, but sad when the
feelings isn’t mutual. It hurts more that his love for me has died than him walking away out of my life. He walked out of my life but I have to work with him everyday. LOL, is all I can do sometimes. I laugh when nothing is funny and smile when I am on fire.
I am laughing when nothing is funny. I am smiling when there is no joy. What happened to my happiness? How did I allow them to rob me of that? I am strong to so many. Yet, so weak in my own eyes. I pray every day for strength and understanding. Years have passed and yet I always smile when there is no joy. I yell at myself for always crying. I hold on to everything never letting anything go. Laughing when nothing is funny. Smiling when there’s no joy. I have been robbed of so much. Hmmm, no I wasn’t robbed. I willingly gave up my happiness so that when they smiled there was always true happiness. When they laugh that’s my joy I gave away. I have robbed myself. Now I am searching for things I willingly gave away and will never get back